Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts

Sunday, July 3, 2016

The Tale of the Missing Talilight


The Tale of the Missing Taillight


 

Life is real. If you are honest at least with yourself, you will know that life is not all victory, sweet moments, and “I’m wonderful.” Life has its times when it is just plain hard. There are times when despite what we tell others, we hurt inside. Even as those who do have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, who do know what the Word of God says and believe it that He loves us with an infinite love, and never leaves us. There are very real times of pain, and loneliness when we question ourselves, we don’t “feel” His nearness, and we just allow ourselves to get into a “funk.” It’s just life… it’s the way it is…let’s be honest.

This is exacerbated when we are not feeling well physically, and or when we are going through a particularly challenging time emotionally, financially, or whatever. You with me?

Recently I have been going through one of those times. Questions about finances, personal relational issues that remain unresolved, questions about direction of ministry, and frankly, what my life is supposed to look like. I live in a time of many such questions and unknowns. It’s not that I don’t know all the “right things,” it’s just that with physical exhaustion, added to this, it’s been difficult. Isolated, alone, unknowns, I was praying, and reading and studying, but still at times struggling.

One of the hobbies I have had since my early teenage years (that’s over 55 years) has been building model cars. When I was thirteen years of age, I won a first place trophy in a model car contest, and have continued the hobby over the years. It’s a way to relax (usually) and something I enjoy. I had been working on a project for some time. It’s had it’s problems. I always like to do custom work on my cars, so I had done some personal customizing on this model of a 1957 Chrysler 300. The paint was done for the second time, all was ready to start putting it together when I noticed that one of the small taillights for the car was missing. These are not big pieces, and I had not idea where it might have gone.  I was really kind of ticked off at the whole situation, and was in the kind of mood where I was thinking, “yea, just another crappy thing in my life… can’t even do this right.” You know how it goes. Even one of those times when I’m saying, “Lord, why do you let this stuff happen to me? You know how down I am anyway!”

I had searched every box, I had searched the entire carpet in my bedroom where I was doing the work with a high power flashlight… nothing. Searching over and over again… nothing. Gone! Where could it have gone? I was only working on this model in my bedroom at my desk. I had had them both just a couple days before as I prepared them to glue into place. And now, I had only one, and was left with the prospect of having to form a different kind of taillight by hand. There was a day when I had drawers full of parts that I could have used… but not now.  Just another “sucker punch” to my already aching jaw.

Then, one evening as I was in the kitchen finishing up washing the dishes, it felt like I stepped on something. It was big enough to hurt, so I looked around on the floor, and lo and behold, there was that taillight, on the kitchen floor! I had not had my model or the boxes in the kitchen. How it got there I had no idea, but there it was. And then came that still small voice, so gentle and loving. “I just wanted you to know that I’ve got you. This was a way for me to show you that, yes, I am here, and yes I care. Relax in my arms and let go of your anxiety and stressed. Just like I let you find this taillight, I am with you in all the other bigger things in your life. Relax” Wow, Lord! You would use a little thing like this taillight to let me know that you are holding me? Thanks for reminding me of your great love and grace!

I imagine that there may be some things in your life, or there will be some things in your life that have gotten you down, and you feel alone, abandoned, and discouraged in the midst of the battle. Remember the Tale of the Missing Taillight. He knows you. He knows your needs. He cares about ever detail of your life, and wants you and me to know that we are always in His hands. Even when we don’t “feel” like it. Allow Him to remind you of that fact today… and whenever you feel alone and overwhelmed.

As David says in Psalm 73: 22-24: I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

November 23, 2011Nitty Gritty Reminders

I'm here in Columbus, Ohio with my son, Jonathan, his dear wife Carol, and my mother who flew in from St. Louis. Enjoying having time together... It's a special treat to spend this holiday together.

This is one of those firsts. The first Thanksgiving holiday in Forty Years where Marilou and I are not together. The first Thanksgiving of being a "widower." The first Thanksgiving where I don't have this all to share with her.

And then there were those nitty gritty reminders, like the movie we saw today. It is a good movie. It is "THE WAY by Emilio Estevez. It's about a successful Ophthalmologist whose son dies in a terrible accident in the mountains of France as he was just beginning a pilgrimage on a route from France to Northern Spain. Martin Sheen, as the father, has his sons remains cremated, and decides to finish the pilgrimage his son had started. All along the trek, he has the ashes of his son, and stops at certain points and spreads the ashes, finally ending at the sea, where he empties the plastic bag of ashes into the sea.
There were a couple times I thought of almost walking out.... it was a good movie, I would recommend it, but every time Martin Sheen, as the father, placed or flung those ashes of his son, my mind went to my task now just two weeks away. And imagining how I will feel as I travel to Brazil where Marilou and I spend July of 2010, on prayer mountains in Brazil seeking the presence and face of God. I pictured and wondered how I will feel when I stand on that hill in Sabara, where we pitched that prayer tent and spent two different days on the hill in prayer and worship. How will I feel? How will I do it? I don't have a plan, I'm just going to do it...somehow.  How will it be when I stand on top of that mountain in Algodao de Jandaira, and throw her ashes to the wind in the spot where we stood. The place where in 2008, I was on my knees being prayed for by these dear Brazilian brothers and sisters.
How will I feel when I go to the beach in Joao Pessao and walk on the beach where my camera was drowned and I scatter her ashes to the sea... how will it be?



The nitty gritty reminders are those sand in your teeth kind of real elements of life that remind you that something is different about you now. YOU ARE ALONE.

Yea, I know... I'm not really alone, I have God, I have family. Absolutely, Absolutely!!!! Amen and Amen, ...  BUT.... there is a sense that I am still alone. No one else in that theater knew the stinging pain that was coursing through my body as I watch him scatter his sons ashes into the sea and empty that plastic bag. Only those who even know what that bad of ashes is really like, can relate, or know.

An yes, absolutely, I know that the Lord is with me. As I have written previously, He is so much closer now than ever, very before. Abba and I relate on a whole different level now. It's hard to explain. Even today as I was reading about the Father giving up His Son to bear the crushing weight of our (my) sin, I related to that in a whole new way. Abba, "Daddy" is a lot closer to me, and I to Him. But there are still those little nitty gritty reminders that...with all of this I have.... I still don't have...her...

...Till next time