"Loop Soup" --
I have not written here for a while. It's not that I haven't had some things I had thought about writing, but life has been pretty busy lately. I have been in the process of preparations to move to Brazil. If you are not familiar with that little adventure,I would like to invite you to read about it on my ministry website at, www.yourservantinchristministries.org
You can learn more of my ministry and go to the pages entitled "Brazil - The Adventure" and follow the story.
It's kind of surreal to fathom that I am now entering into a whole season of Firsts in this journey of grief. It was one year ago that Marilou and I began to try to grasp the fact that we were dealing with the issue of cancer. It was one year ago August 11th that she went in for a Biopsy, and had to stay overnight due to fever spikes. A year ago today she came home, and that really began her downhill spiral. It was August 16th that we went to see a doctor at the clinic because of her increasing fevers and found out the diagnosis.Eighteen days later she would be gone.
These past weeks and days leading up to September 3rd, I have had such a mix of emotions and responses. I have tried to find some way of describing what is going on in me. The best description I could find was the word "Soup." The idea being that I am in the midst of just a lot of stuff swirling around inside and it's all kind of mixed up together. Soup is defined as a liquid food made from some sort of stock and usually containing solid foods. Well, I've got quite a pot of soup here. Look at some of the ingredients in my "Loop Soup";
Stock: The "Soup Stock" if you will, that all the rest is swimming around in is grief. Grief is not something you put on the shelf and take it down when it is convenient. If you have lived with grief or read some of my other entries, you realize that grief is with you all the time. It never really leave you, in fact, it is like a soup that is constantly swirling around inside you. It is not "turned off" when you don't want it... it's just there.
Other Ingredients:
Anniversary Memories - As I mentioned earlier, in these short weeks there are just a flood of memories of what we were doing one year ago, what we were feeling. We had no idea this would happen so quickly. This part of the soup I have given the label as something "sour." I thought about calling it "bitter" but honestly, I am not bitter, and the memories are not "bitter" as such, but they add a sour taste to this soup that is simmering inside me.
Memories of our Lives Together - There are lots of those that are floating around in the soup. They are the "sweet" ingredients. I have been "digitizing" pictures so I can take them to Brazil with me. And they bring up all kinds of memories. Our wedding out in the park in Dallas Texas on May 20, 1972... we always seemed to do things in an unconventional way. The family vacations at Samuel P. Taylor State Park in Northern California. A place of special memories for all of the family. Those three months we spent together in Brazil. There are many sweet memories. It's not that we had a perfect life together, actually far from it, but we had some good times, and she was a real trooper!
Brazil Adventure - This incredibly amazing adventure that God has invited me on to move to and minster in Brazil. Although down there they don't care for food too spicy, for me, this is like a "spicy" part of the soup. One of the definitions of spicy is, lively, or spirited. This new adventure for me is certainly that! God is putting me in the midst of a very lively and spirited group of people who love the Lord, and for some crazy reason, love me. God is going to add some spice to my life in this season.
Leaving The Old Life Behind - I'm not really sure what this part might represent. In order to move to Brazil, I am only taking what I can fit into four suitcases. Everything else, but a few things I will leave behind with Esther and Tony will be sold or given away. Almost every vestige of my former life will be left behind when I board that plane for Brazil. I will be walking into a whole new life, new culture, new ministry, new home, new everything. Now, I am planning on coming back and visiting and bringing teams back and forth, but as the Lord gives strength, my new home will be Brazil. As I am sorting through things, it's actually pretty hard, because there are so many memories attached to all this stuff. The other day I was crawling under the dining room table, and thought of all the things we have done around that table, I just lay on the floor and cried.
So then to make a good soup, you need to turn up the heat!! The pressures of moving, dealing with so many issues of getting the "Missionary Visa," trying to help the family understand... that turns up the heat for sure!
But then as one friend reminded me, and I had thought of this... my prayer is that the aroma that comes from this "soup" would be smelling so good, that it would make people hungry for more of God.
He is the chef, and He knows what He is doing as He stirs the pot and mixes all these flavors together, and my prayer is that as Paul told the Corinthians, in 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 (NLT)
Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing.
My prayer is that what I am going through, and how God remains so faithful would be a sweet fragrance to all who will come in contact with this adventure, this "soup."
One last thing...
There was a while when I really thought that this or maybe one more entry would be my last writing for this particular blog about the "Land of First." But then as I thought about it, I realized, no, this is not the END of this Land of Firsts, this is only the beginning of the journey through the Land of First. I am about to have a whole LOT of "Firsts" when I land in Brazil. So watch out... there may be more coming!
Thanks for following along with me on this Journey. It means a lot, and again, my prayer is that somehow, what I write here, might be a blessing, and encouragement to someone along the way.
God bless you richly.
